(Un)Happy Holidays: Navigating Loneliness During the Holiday Season
As the holiday season approaches, we are bombarded by messages and images: families gathered around fireplaces, friends exchanging gifts, and communities coming together to celebrate the season. However, for many people, the holidays can be a stark reminder of what is missing. Perhaps you don’t have a peaceful family dynamic, perhaps you’ve lost a loved one, or feel left out of a community or friend group. If you find yourself feeling disconnected during this season, you are not alone.
Why do the holidays seem to make loneliness worse?
The holiday season often brings an awareness of feelings of loneliness and isolation, which can stem from a number of factors:
Social expectations: whether it’s holiday marketing, or pressure from the people around you, there can be an expectation to conform to the “happy holiday” narrative. If you don’t fit within that narrative, it can make feelings of isolation even more apparent.
Distance from family and friends: if there is a geological separation from loved ones, seeing other people gather together can exacerbate feelings of loneliness.
Loss and Grief: if you’ve lost someone you love, their absence can feel even more pronounced during holiday seasons as you navigate traditions and experience memories that bring their presence to mind.
Past Traumas: the holiday season isn’t always a positive experience, and if you’ve had negative experiences around the holidays, this time of year can be challenging.
Do any of these factors sound familiar to you? Understanding why you feel lonely or isolated can be a helpful step towards addressing it. So what can we do to make the holidays more bearable?
Coping with Loneliness
Here are some things to consider and some steps we can take towards feeling more fulfilled during the holidays.
Acknowledge your feelings
The first step towards making the holidays feel less overwhelming is to give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions arise. Having an outlet to process these emotions can be the difference between acknowledging them, and getting stuck in them. Journaling, talking to someone, or seeking professional help are all great outlets for processing your emotions.
Set realistic expectations
Sometimes, external pressures lead to setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves (for example, over-committing to holiday events, pretending to be fine when you don’t feel fine, working overtime to keep busy and distracted, etc.), which can lead to feeling burnt out on top of everything else. Check in with yourself. Do your expectations for yourself feel achievable and authentic? If not, perhaps it’s time to set some boundaries, or take a few things off your list.
Be kind to you
Giving yourself grace during this season is essential. Remind yourself that it’s okay to have a holiday that doesn’t look like the idealized version portrayed in the media. Try to avoid comparing your holiday experience to others, and try to avoid comparing your emotional experience to others. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.
Set new traditions
It can be helpful to redefine the holidays by engaging in activities that bring you comfort. This could simply be watching a favorite movie, starting a new hobby, reading a cozy book, or learning something new. Who knows, you might just start a new tradition for the years to come!
Reach out
It’s easy to feel like you’re the only person in the world feeling what you’re feeling, but the truth is, there are likely many others who share those feelings. Connection is the strongest antidote to isolation. So where and how does this happen? Virtual calls, volunteering opportunities, support groups, or community events can help develop a sense of connection.
Give Back
Helping others is also a great way to develop a sense of connection, and can also provide a sense of purpose. This could look like volunteering at a shelter, donating to a cause, or reaching out or sending a text to someone else who might be struggling.
Stay present
Practicing being present is one of the most helpful ways to move through difficult emotions. When things seem bleak, practicing mindfulness can foster a sense of contentment and gratitude for what is. Focusing on the small moments, like eating a delicious meal, going for a walk and noticing the beauty of nature, or appreciating a pleasant interaction with a stranger, can help anchor you to the present and bring a sense of balance.
Seek Professional Support
If feelings of loneliness and isolation feel unmanageable, seeking professional support with a therapist or counsellor, whether in person or virtually, is a great place to start. We are here for you, and you are not alone. Get Connected
Looking Ahead
Remember that the holiday season doesn’t have to look like the idealized norms in order to be meaningful, and while this season can be challenging, loneliness is not permanent. Connection with yourself, with the present, and with others will lead to brighter, fulfilling moments ahead.
About The Author:
Cassia Tayler, Registered Provisional Psychologist
Cassia enjoys the great outdoors, creativity, the fine arts, music, and working with teens, individuals and couples in identifying barriers to wellness and creating lasting positive change.
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