Hard Beginnings: How to Manage When the Future Feels Overwhelming
There is a lot of pomp around the New Year, with New Year’s resolutions and “starting off strong”, and you are not alone if you are feeling the pressure and weight of it all. Not to mention the post-Christmas blues! January can be exciting for some, but a difficult month for many. The idea of starting fresh is often portrayed in a positive light, and while this can be the case, for some it feels more like starting over which can feel quite intimidating. The good news is while it may be challenging, it doesn’t have to crush us! Here are some tips on how to build the motivation to get going and to finish well!
Remember Your Values
Whether you are starting a new job, moving to a new home or location, getting ready to start dating again, or beginning the new year, it can feel like staring up a mountain you don’t have the energy to climb. It might even feel like you don’t know where to begin or can’t see the path ahead. This is hard, but not abnormal. As a starting point, it can be helpful to go back to your most core values, think along the lines of who you care about, and what you can’t do without. These are the people, things, and activities that bring hope and life back into view.
For instance, if spending time with family and friends is important to you, think of ways you can prioritize seeing the people who rejuvenate you most along your journey. Just as a race car would not finish the race strong without pitstops, we can’t journey strong without breaks to recharge with the things most meaningful to us.
Along the same lines, when you take the time to remind yourself of what is important to you, you can also reframe why you are doing what you are doing. If it is important to you to be able to have some financial freedom, you can reframe starting your new job (that you may or may not be excited about) as a means of being able to treat yourself down the road. Whatever your values are, notice how your new beginning aligns with them, and use that as a roadmap.
Anticipate Some Challenges
Have you ever seen commercials, ads, or movies where someone is starting something new and they are walking in their power suit while the sun is hitting them just right, latte (or tea for you non-coffee drinkers) in hand, as if nothing could ever go wrong? Inevitably it does, and truthfully it just wouldn’t be a good show if everything went right. Well, that’s kind of how life goes.
There is no such thing as a life without challenges and it can be healthy, even beneficial, to expect that. Before diving in further, I want to clarify that there is a difference between a healthy expectation of challenges, and unhelpful anxiety.
The main difference is, you can have a positive outlook on the future, knowing there will be some challenges as opposed to seeing a bleak future and being paralyzed by fear. When we expect some challenges, we have a realistic outlook on life and are less likely to be surprised, discouraged or even depressed, when something doesn’t quite go as planned.
If we were to view the future through rose-coloured glasses, we are at risk of toxic positivity which can end up doing more harm than good. Remember, while very few people enjoy being in the center of a challenge, in the end it can produce perseverance and resilience.
Plan Your Responses
Once you have highlighted your values, and recognized some potential challenges it is time to create a plan. Now of course none of us really know what may or may not happen moving forward, but chances are by now you have a pretty good idea of how you typically respond to challenges or change. If you are like most people, you may be avoidant and try to escape it somehow (i.e. quitting when things get hard). Or perhaps you’re the opposite and stick around but try to force things to go a certain direction when in fact it might be appropriate to let go.
For some, the emotional overwhelm of a challenge becomes too much and it leads them to freeze, paralyzing them from taking any sort of helpful action. While we don’t know exactly what we will face, we can decide in advance what we want to do when we face it. So rather than succumbing to whatever unhelpful reaction feels best in the moment, take some time to plan out how you would like to respond - what you’d be most proud of. In the end, you’ll be stronger for it!
Starting something new doesn’t have to be terrible. It can be difficult, but difficulty is not always bad! Strategically pushing through a challenging start can increase our resiliency, our hope for the future, and our sense of achievement.
Remember, you don’t have to do this alone - in fact, we don’t recommend it! If you or someone you know is struggling with a tough start, we are here to join you on your journey. Please introduce yourself to us here.
About The Author:
Chanae Smith, Registered Psychologist
-Chanae is a wife, a mother, and a Registered Psychologist that enjoys traveling, eating good food, learning, and playing. Chanae works with children and adults to form healthier relationships within the context of their homes, schools, personal relationships and even in the wider society.
To find out more about the services Chanae offers, please click on the 'Team” link below: